Starbucks Forks

These weird Starbucks forks are really getting on my nerves. My New Year’s resolution, or one of them anyway, was to only eat egg white sous vide egg bites when I went to Starbucks, and to really try as much as I can to avoid fast food other than the sous vide egg white egg bites altogether. But especially when I’m already at Starbucks. I felt like in 2018 I had too many bags of chips from Starbucks so I resolved to at least have egg white sous vide egg bites whenever I would have had chips.

Anyway though that’s not the point at all. The point is, these forks are awful. I don’t even know where to start with them. I guess I’ll start with getting them out of the wrapper in the first place. If you try to push them through tines-first, you’re out of luck because they’re so flimsy you’ll likely bend them up before they pierce the plastic wrapper. So you have to push them out handle-first which is awkward.

And then just look at it. It’s ridiculous. The two outer tines are wide and weird, and the two inner ones are narrow. And they’re all four short and stubby.

But the weirdest thing of all is the linear offset of the tine tips. I don’t understand it at all. The two outer tines are higher than the two inner ones, so they’re not in line. What is the point of that? Have you ever seen a fork where all the tine tips were not neatly in a row? Having them not in a row seems to be exactly one of the definitions of a bent-up fork.

The fork situation is messed up for sure. If you back up one level, too, why encourage them to be eaten with a fork at all? I usually eat them in the store but sometimes I eat them in the car. Who wants to eat with a fork in the car? But you have to because they serve them too hot. They are universally too hot wherever I get them. Whatever time they set them for in the microwave, they’re very consistently too hot. If they shaved 12 seconds off of the cook time, they could save energy, save time, and save a whole lot of ridiculously demented forks all in one go.

4 thoughts on “Starbucks Forks”

  1. I was googling to see if anyone else held a deep hatred for starbucks forks and I found your website….and now I’m kinda grateful for starbucks forks being so shitty! Your content is pretty great

    1. What do they make them out of? Rubber? The tines just fold over so easy. And the plastic wrapper they’re in seems like it would withstand a nuclear blast. It’s a very weird combination. That post is from a long time ago but just this very Sunday I was having the same conversation in an actual Starbucks. My suggestion was to try to push it out of its wrapper from the handle side, not the tine side. I don’t remember if that’s in this post or not.

      1. I would like to talk to whoever designed the fork because its just laughable. Its the most useless utensil I’ve ever encountered. Last week, the condensation from the hell hot egg bites literally caused the fork to start sweating in the plastic wrapper. When I took it out….it bled ink! Do they dip it in black ink? The worst part is that the handle side of the fork is flat! making it that much harder to push through the wrapper! Honestly, I know this is a prime example of a first world problem but its so annoying.

        1. Something seeped out of it?!? That is bizarre! Yeah I have specifically wondered what it would be like to sit down with the Starbucks fork designer and just have that person walk me though the thought process and the constraints they were under. Or the person who selected that fork.

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